#1 Being a Firefighter


In the media, firefighters are generally portrayed in a very Manly way. This is no exaggeration. When a firefighter goes into a fire, his balls grow to the size of baseballs. Softballs if he is carrying an axe. They have protective equipment for this.

90% of being a fire fighter is waiting around, 10% adrenaline rush. Men are exceptionally well designed for this job. During the waiting period, fire fighters develop talents that make them among the Manliest Men around. They practice carrying stuff over their shoulders, climbing up ladders, and splitting things with their axes. When they are not practicing their fire fighting skills, they often spend their time gambling, arm wrestling, and reading Maxim.

It is when there is a fire, however, that a fire fighter’s Manliness truly shines. In this situation, a firefighter has the opportunity to prove that he is Manly by completing a dangerous mission. If he succeeds, he will be a hero, and alive. If he fails, he will probably get an article about his death in the local newspaper. This does not apply to fire fighters with the national forest service, whose job is less glamorous, and therefore more Manly.

Being a firefighter has a 3.5 to 3.75 Mantivity score. The score depends on some circumstances, particularly the frequency of large fires and axe usage. Small Men-in-training across America dream of becoming a firefighter someday, as well they should. Being a fire fighter is a full time Mantivity that requires patriotism and an abnormal supply of testosterone.


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