Let me begin by being clear about something: Not all dogs are a Man’s best friend. A more generalized, dependable best friend is a good knife (future post).The word “dog” is far too vague. Dog can mean anything, ranging from a Golden Retriever (Manly), to a chihuahua (not Manly), to a Wolf (ultra Manly). This may offend and disgust some Men out there, but there are some dogs that might be carried in a purse. This is wrong and borderline evil.
Medium to large sized dogs are a Manly pet for several reasons. To begin with, they have more Manly traits than any other animal. They are hungry all the time, they like to chase things that move, are content to sit in silence and simply exist, etc. Having another man around, or in this case, someone who is acting like a Man, makes any Man more confident in his Manliness.
Dogs also introduce a rugged aspect to any situation. A Man could be at home cooking crepes for his girlfriend (very un-Manly). If Madison, his loyal and rambunctious Black Labrador came up and tackled him, he would immediately be immersed in Manliness, the crepes all but forgotten. This is just an example of what a dog can do.
Above all else, make sure your dog is well trained. Not being obeyed is very unManly, as are chasing leashes and cleaning up poop in the living room. Being able to command your dog’s actions with a single, soft-spoken word is Manly. We also recommend training your dog to get the paper in the morning and to retrieve a beer from the fridge when instructed to do so. Bonus points if you use the same word for all commands.
The Mantivity score for having a dog varies wildly, as there is a multitude of factors that could lose or gain points. For example, naming your dog Fluffy or Poo-bear would immediately reduce the score to a zero. On the other hand, training your dog to be a hunting dog or a beer retriever, is serious bonus points. On average, assuming you do nothing wrong and nothing spectacular, the score lands in the 3.0-3.5 range.