#17 Chainsawing


chainsawing.jpgThis is a situation that every Man faces at some point in life: you are driving down a road in the forest, perhaps searching for goldbeer, when you come across a fallen tree that has blocked the pathway. At this point, a Man has three options. He can: A) Give up, and return to his lame, beerless life B) build a ramp, and attempt to jump the tree, or C) Chainsaw.

Of course, a Man will choose option C eleven times out of twelve (and he will die in a horrible tree jumping accident one time out of twelve). By doing this, he can continue his search for beer, impress the girls in the back of his Silverado, and, most importantly, complete a kick ass Mantivity. Chainsawing is the pinnacle of Manly ruggedness; its usage is both violent and beautiful, for while a Man can use it to destroy, he can also use it to create. The noise it emits, while violent and frightening to the typical ear, is glorious music to a Man (See Dupre, Jesse James, of Jackyl).

Using a chainsaw is, of course, dangerous. A wrong cut can lead to lost limbs and other horrible accidents. As a general rule for any Manitvity, danger only increases the Mantivity score, and in this case, it also adds an element of excitement to the chainsawing excursion. Nonetheless, as not having limbs reduces the opportunities to be Manly, we recommend the following: that a Man make sure his saw is well oiled before usage, that the Man wears goggles, gloves, orange clothes, and a cup, and that he uses proper technique, especially when felling a tree.

The Mantivity score for chainsawing is 3.2 for a single chainsaw event, up to 3.7 for more extended usage, such as clearing large swaths of the untamed wilderness. Also, if a Man plays his cards right, he can end up chainsawing for a living, either as a lumberjack (future post), a park ranger (future post), a chainsaw artist, or a firefighter in the national forest service. These are obviously very Manly employment opportunities, and should be pursued with all possible fervor.


8 Responses to “#17 Chainsawing”

  1. imaG Says:

    Damn I’m lost man points. I don’t own a chainsaw yet 😦


  2. OlderMusicGeek Says:

    wearing a cup doesnt seem very Manly – but i suppose not having a member is even LESS Manly!

  3. OlderMusicGeek Says:

    actually, i came close to cutting my own member – the pants had a nice cut in the crotch! – and thus, i learn the importance of having the box cutter point AWAY from you!

  4. amillionthings Says:

    Men are obsolete beings. You will soon run out of Mantivities.

  5. Christian Says:

    Wrong. We shall never surrender!

  6. OlderMusicGeek Says:

    even if Manly Men were to disappear off the planet, their legend would live on! and they would leave so many Manly things to discuss!

  7. amillionthings Says:

    I guess we shall see…


  8. Tree Service Brooklyn Says:

    One of the best mantivities I have ever witnessed, doesn’t get much manlier then killing a tree with an electric spinning razor sharp blade.

    -Carlos Hernandez

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