#21 Wearing a Hat

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The hat was original developed by the Spartans as a tool of warfare – a protective piece of metal that slid over the head. The Spartans quickly recognized the obvious Manliness of this device, and began to wear it in social and professional settings. Soon afterwards, the Athenians caught on and started doing it too. It later traveled to the Ottoman Empire in 1,230 BC, and the rest is history. Today, hats come in all sorts of shapes, colors, and sizes. The manliest forms, of course, are those used in the military and in construction. However, these cannot really be worn except for when doing one of these jobs, so I will shift focus to two of the more common types of hats: “baseball” hats, and stocking caps.

Baseball hats were originally made so that baseball players could keep the sun out of their eyes. They still serve that same purpose, but now they do it for everyone, even those who obviously don’t play baseball. They also help Men show support for their favorite cause (a baseball/football team or a college).

Stocking caps keep a Man’s head warm. This is important because a Man’s brain is usually in his head, and needs to be kept warm. Stocking caps derive their Manliness from their presence in stocking yards, prisons, robberies, and old school rap videos. Subconsciously, whenever anyone sees a Man in a stocking cap, they think of one of these things.

Other types of Manly hats include: cowboy hats (note: most people look stupid in a cowboy hat, so be careful), pilot hats (if you’re a pilot), beer helmets (if you’re in college or at a football game), and more. As you can tell, most are circumstantial, and there are many, many things people put on their head that aren’t Manly hats, so be careful. The Mantivity score for wearing an appropriate hat is 2.3.

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One Response to “#21 Wearing a Hat”

  1. sophia Says:

    haha, such lies!

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