#25 Bushwhacking

by

Ever been lost in the Adirondacks, with nighttime rapidly approaching? Ever found yourself tracking a black Rhino in sub-Saharan Africa? Ever been in the Marines, following a band of Communist spies? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, than you have surely been Bushwhacking.

Bushwhacking is what Men do when they are surrounded by obnoxious and prickly branches, leaves, and thorns. Before the invention of bicycles, cars, and Silverados, bushwhacking was the next step up for transportation, after walking. In the modern age, however, a Man bushwhacks not out of choice, but out of necessity – because the bush lies between the Man and his objective, whether it be the Viet Kong, a nearly extinct species, or a large batch of treasure. Upon realizing that bushwhacking is his only option, the Man will whip out his machete and begin swinging like his first name is Tiger.

More often than not, 10 minutes into an episode of bushwhacking, a Man will begin to sweat profusely, causing him to rip off his shirt sleeves for use as bandannas, and attracting an abnormal amount of mosquitoes. He should end up looking something like Rambo. When he returns from bushwhacking, the Man will smell like a pack of coyotes, and he should have numerous cuts across legs, arms, and face.

The Mantivity score for several hours of hardcore bushwhacking in the described manner is 3.7. Of course, bushwhacking is often just a piece of another Mantivity, so a lot depends on the reason for the bushwhacking. But trust me, if you are doing this, you can bet the farm that your score is really high.

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2 Responses to “#25 Bushwhacking”

  1. Thomas Smith Says:

    Hilarious!

  2. Thor & Odin Says:

    Be it Lowlands or Highlands, Forest or desert, a Man survives. Those who don flip-flops, and designer shirts are priority targets for Big animals who like flashy colours. They end up being “meal of choice” for the hungry mountain Lion, that the Man is currently hunting. With Knife, and Bow in hand.

    It is especially important to remember that those individuals that put down Man related activities must be pitied because of their obvious lack of Manly strengths, which is clear by their self-esteem to actually put down that which they admire most. Such “not-Men” or “girly-boys”, with their piano hands and “attention to detail” hair-cuts, should be avoided by Man, in case one begins to associate the Man, with the “clearly not a Man.”

    Bushwhacking is a excellent and noble science of Manhood, and should be persued with zeal, along with other activities in tow, like Hunting, Fishing and Achieving Altitude. Beer Drinking and other Manly Activities also go very well with Hacking through the woods with Blade in hand, and Axe on Hip.

    When the flames arise, the Man survives.

    Cheers Mates!

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