#26 Mowing the Lawn


One of the Manliest smells in the world is the combination of fresh cut grass and gasoline. Recent studies at Harvard and Yale have determined that this aroma mixture actually increases the chemical balance of testosterone in any Man lucky enough to smell it. Mowing the lawn is a timeless Mantivity, dating back to the era of caveMen, when maintaining a neatly trimmed front-lawn let ferocious animals know that a Man resided in that cave. These creatures understood that they risked certain-death by attempting to settle in a Man’s cave.

Today, mowing the lawn is a simpler task. At least once a week, usually on Saturday, a Man should head out to his garage and fire up his 2-cycle, gasoline-engine mower and take care of his yard. Using a riding mower is only Manly if the lawn is over one acre in size. Beware of any electrical mower, which, unless it’s solar powered, requires the use of extension cords and is thus practically vacuuming. This is inappropriate and unManly. A Man’s first lawn mower is important and should be passed down from father to son around the age of 13, when a Man-in-training assumes his father’s lawn mowing duties, usually for about two dollars an hour, the minimum wage in Mississippi.

Obviously, there are Men who aren’t lucky enough to have a lawn because they live in urban areas, in deserts, or on aircraft carriers. Yet these Men undoubtedly understand the Manly nature of mowing the lawn. Women think it smells bad, it is conducted outdoors, and it burns a fossil fuel. Mowing the lawn earns a 3.2 Mantivity score. The score decreases for using the environmentally friendly push mower, a vacuum-style electric mower, or a riding mower for less than one acre (note: serious bonus points for using a Machete. Or a Chainsaw). Next time you see a Man mowing a lawn, be sure to give him a nod of recognition. Nothing more is required to celebrate the Mantivity you both know he is undertaking.


8 Responses to “#26 Mowing the Lawn”

  1. imaG Says:

    Lol. Love the first paragraph about cavemen. I thought yall had given up for awhile, not manly.


  2. Daniel Boone Says:

    No worries. Just a little busy. This is a long-term project.

  3. carolinahaze Says:

    Does the Man score go up like a ratio? like, the bigger the law and smaller the mower= higher score?

  4. Achilles Says:

    Actually probably not. Imagine someone clipping the lawn of the White House with a pair of scissors. Very time consuming, and a little embarrassing. So not very Manly.

  5. James Says:

    One thing that I love about mowing is using my own strength to get it done. When a mower has the automatic pull feature, it’s best to not use it. I’d even go as far as to disable it. What do y’all think, lower score or no score for using this?

  6. Daniel Boone Says:

    Excellent point, James. Though the lawn mower should have a gasoline engine, the engine should only power the blades, not the movement of the mower itself. Men who use the automatic pull feature, while still engaging in the Mantivity, experience a deduction in the Mantivity rating system. Thank you for your vigilance.

  7. Luke Dyson Says:

    My lawn once grew over a foot in a week, I tried to mow it; with the mower supplied with the house at the time, which was one of those vacuum sorts.

    Would it, then, make me more manly since the mower was incapable of mowing the lawn, so I spent 4 hours cutting it with shears by hand, only to then mow it afterwards.

    I’d be interested to know how manly this is… oh, I normally undertake this activity wearing shorts and flip-flops only.

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