#30 Driving a Semi


On the highway, semi trucks are big, usually slow, and always driven by Men. When the semi truck was first invented in the mid 20th century, a Man saw it and said “I need to drive that right now.” That is just how it works with semi trucks and Men. (it also explains why tonka trucks are the most widely sold Man-in-training toy in the history of the world.

The thing about a semi truck that makes driving one so Manly is that it is literally unstoppable, figuratively. If we take a look at Newton’s law of momentum, p=mv, where p is momentum, m is mass, and v is velocity, we can see that semi trucks, with a mass of 1 billion megapounds, are very momentous objects when in motion. This is what subconsciously draws a Man to them.

Being a semi truck driver tends itself to a very Manly lifestyle. While truckers enjoy a lot of solitude (Manly in and of itself) they also get to do on a daily basis such things as hang out at truck stops, flick off prius drivers, wear cut off flannel shirts, and chew tabacco. Obviously, this is a Manly lifestyle.

The Mantivity score for Driving a Semi is 3.5. You can earn bonus points by having a name like “Hank,” and for hauling especially Manly objects, like Pabst or recently logged trees. Also, if you are a real semi truck driver, and you see someone else who obviously doesn’t drive trucks wearing a “trucker” hat, punch him in the face, so the hat falls off.


3 Responses to “#30 Driving a Semi”

  1. Chris Casey Says:

    I have a Class A CDL with hazmat, and used to haul liquid Oxygen. Does that raise the rating?

  2. Daniel Boone Says:

    Good god, yes.

  3. andy Says:

    hell ya

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