Profiles in Manliness: Steve Irwin

by

“Profiles in Manliness” is a special feature in which we celebrate some of the Manliest members of society.

For his honeymoon, Steve Irwin took his wife crocodile hunting. On his sixth birthday, he was given a 12-foot scrub python. Steve’s name is Steve. In this profile in Manliness, we celebrate a Man whose life was tragically shortened but set a bar to help guide all Men.

IrwinSteve Irwin was born in Australia to parents who ran a reptile park. Steve grew up feeding the lizards, playing tag with the crocodiles, and practicing his wrestling abilities with giant komodo dragons. Eventually, Steve took over the park, dabbled in filming nature series, and soon became world-renowned for his ridiculous outfit, the phrase “Crikey!”, and his fearless assaults upon alligators and crocodiles across planet earth. It is extraordinarily Manly to wrestle an alligator while explaining the most effective techniques for defeating the ferocious animal to your loyal viewers. The explanation-during-execution standard applies to other Manly things, exhibited clearly by the television program “This Old House”.

Steve spent a lot of his time and money working to save the environment. As discussed earlier, sometimes it is a Man’s duty to burn fossil fuels and cut natural things down. Its not inherently Manly to destroy the environment, nor is it inherently Manly to protect it. Steve just happened to be really into wrestling ferocious things and if Men wiped out all these animals, Steve would be without a hobby. As such, Steve’s conservation efforts were guided by self-interest and not by a weakness for cute rabbits or something.

Unfortunately, Steve was lost doing what he loved. Steve was swimming off the Great Barrier Reef during filming for a likely awesome series on wrestling things that would kill the unManly, and as he approached a stingray, the animal sent its barbed tail directly through his heart. Even though Steve pulled the barb out his heart (Manly), it was too late and the world lost a fearless Man. Steve Irwin, we salute you.

Advertisements

One Response to “Profiles in Manliness: Steve Irwin”

  1. imaG Says:

    He deserves one. He is the shiiiiiiiiiiiiet. Crickey that bugger packs a wallop.

    Or when he would say something morbid as fuck with a smile on his face. This snake has enough venom to kill a man and his whole family 3 times around…

    I miss you Steve Irwin

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: