#32 Giving Directions

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Since before dinosaurs roamed the earth, Men have survived using a sense of direction that is encoded in their genetic make-up. Blindfolded, spun around 30 times, and then dropped from an airplane into a thick forest, a Man will always know which direction is North, regardless of his accuracy. Today, Men use their geographic mastery of world to help all who ask, using hand gestures and nonchalance.

It is important to begin with the proper technique for giving directions; this, of course, is dependent upon the scenario. If a Man is giving directions to a woman, then he must provide lots of information, perhaps even write down some of the highlights. For example, if he is assisting a woman, an effective set of directions might be: “Drive 4 blocks up this street (a crisp yet understated full hand point is paramount), get on to Interstate 80 Northbound until you get to Kenosha, then hop on 275 Westbound and you’ll get to Oshkosh about 40 miles down the road, I believe the exit is 157B”. However, for a Man, a simple version will suffice, “Hop on I-80 and then take 275 and then you’re there”. This provides the least amount of information while still conveying the point. Men should be capable of delivering both sets of directions.

Though all Men will get lost in an area unfamiliar to them at some point in their lives, Men also understand that because of time commitments, women, and children, it is sometimes necessary to ask another Man for directions, though most Men would instead prefer to break out their compass and find their way using nature. A common myth is that Men refuse to ask for directions out of pride. This is false, it is simply a part of the Male system to find your way without assistance. When a Man asks for directions, the provider should perceive the geographic assistance they give simply as a refresher for the Man who simply is unable to find his destination the natural way.

Any Man should have a vague sense of where things are at all times, and in unfamiliar surroundings it is expected that he has at least read a map (future post) before reaching uncharted territory. Also remember: even if a Man has no idea where he is, if he is asked for directions, he should act like he knows the area like the back of his hand – it does not matter if he directs confused tourists into a dangerous part of town. An effective and succinct set of directions, including at least one local highway, for a fellow Man scores 2.9 Mantivity score. Bonus points can be earned if you are providing geographic assistance to a Man who has a Manly duty to complete or if you can fit in at least one spit and grunt in during the process.

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