#35 Owning an Eagle


Most birds are not Manly. This is because they are usually colorful and sing cheerful songs all day long, much like the characters from Sesame Street. Eagles, however, do not meet this stereotype. Instead of behaving like a typical bird, Eagles behave more like a winged warrior, or perhaps a Pterodactyl. This is why it is Manly to own one.

When Men buy or otherwise acquire eagles, they do so for specific reasons. Sometimes, they do so because they are the captain of a ship, and with all the navigating they are doing, they do not have time to do their own fishing or to fetch their pipe, so they train their eagle to do so (Note: in pop culture, pirates own parrots. This is ridiculous. No self-respecting marauder would get a bird simply because it can annoyingly repeat the same 10 words.) Sometimes, Men buy an Eagle because they are executioners and they need the bird to fetch their axe when the time comes.

Above all else, when a Man owns an eagle, it is imperative that the Eagle sit on his shoulder when he is in public. If this does not happen, and he does something stupid like keep the Eagle in the cage in his home, then he fails – in fact, these kind of shenanigans can lead to a negative Mantivity score. Otherwise, the score is a 4.1. Note: Most Men will never have the opportunity to own an Eagle. That is fine. Other breeds of similar birds, such as hawks and falcons earn slightly lower scores.


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